Unmasking your Toxic Voice
By Robert Gerzon
Invisible companions accompany us on our journey through life. These companions have a tremendous affect on us. We talk with them about how the day is going. We confer with them about decisions we have to make. These companions strongly influence our mood and our outlook. Our relationships with other people often bear an uncanny resemblance to these invisible relationships.
Who are these invisible companions? Most of the time we just lump them all together and call them "me." Sometimes we may think of them as our conscience, higher self, inner child, lower self or some other psychological term. At times we may find ourselves talking with more than one companion, such as, "My heart tells me he loves me, but my head tells me he's not right for me."
Who are your companions? What kind of inner company do you keep? One thing Mom was right about: Hanging out with the "wrong crowd" can have a negative impact on your life.
Those who are familiar with our work know that we have a term for these negative entities: Toxic Voices. The Toxic Voices in our life can take many forms, but they all have one purpose: to keep us in our personal hell (such as worry, depression, poor health, addiction, chronic frustration and dissatisfaction). At the very least they keep us trapped in a stagnant "Comfort Zone," leading what Thoreau called a life of "quiet desperation."
We also have two other kinds of companions. Our Natural Voices are healthy, supportive and realistic; they help us navigate our way through life successfully. Our Sacred Voices guide us on a deeper level to live our values and realize our purpose in life.
For most people today these positive voices are difficult to hear because the Toxic Voices are so loud and familiar. The Toxic Voices in our head are strongly reinforced by the Toxic Voices of the mass media that make us anxious about the latest problems and threats while promising salvation through consuming the newest products.
Our Toxic Voice is far too smart to say, "Hi, I'm your Toxic Voice." It usually masquerades as our best friend who cares about us and wants to help us achieve our goals. The traditional religious term for the Toxic Voice is the Devil. The Devil is known to be a consummate shapeshifter who can take any form in order to gain influence over its intended victim. It can also take various forms at the same time, some of which appear as opposites. When we turn away from one Toxic Voice we run right in to the arms of another.
For many of us, especially those who grew up in dysfunctional families, the majority of the inner voices we listen to may be toxic. Since the Toxic Voice is the biggest enemy of our happiness and our growth, freeing ourselves from it is crucial if we truly want to live the life we were born to live.
I want to share with you a recent breakthrough in unmasking the Toxic Voice: Its secret strategy, its most cunning toxic tactic, is to split into two voices that appear to be objective voices presenting two sides of an issue -- but in reality they are just two sides of the Toxic Voice.
We call these the Gloomy and the Glossy Toxic Voices. The Gloomy Toxic Voice concentrates on the theme of "badness": that you're bad, you did something bad, other people did something bad to you, or something bad is going to happen. It paints a dark and gloomy picture of the future. It's the easiest one to identify as Toxic.
The Glossy Toxic Voice appears as an overly optimistic voice -- one that sets you up for failure by aiming for perfection and results in overshooting your goal. It presents a grandiose view of your own importance, inflates your self-image, makes you feel "special" -- and leads to denial, overconfidence and false pride. It projects a bright and glossy future. Far too many attempts at "positive thinking" fail because inexperienced people unconsciously switch from the Gloomy to the Glossy Toxic Voice.
These Toxic Voices appear to cover the spectrum of reality by optimistic and pessimistic views. But like two con men they are secretly coordinating their strategy in order to rob their victim. (These Toxic Entities are incapable of an independent existence and like parasites or vampires must live off the life energy of human beings.)
Here's a quick example of how these voices work. The situation: Larry's galloping expenses are quickly outrunning his income.
His Gloomy Voice says: "You spend too much. You don't manage your money well. You never stick to a budget. You're irresponsible. You're such an idiot -- what did you think was going to happen when you kept charging all that stuff? Plus you lost money gambling. You're in big trouble now. I don't see any way for you to get out of this except to live extremely frugally for the next few months -- maybe years. You won't be able to do anything fun. It'll be miserable. But it's your own fault for overspending for so long."
Larry gets depressed and hopeless listening to this voice so after a while his Glossy Voice steps in:
"Hey, pal, why so down and out? You've got a lot going for you. Things will work out. You deserve to enjoy yourself as much as the next person -- life is for living. C'mon it's just money. You're way smarter than most guys -- you'll figure something out. You're going to have a great life! Hey, I'm feeling really good today. Let's head down to Foxwoods Casino. This could be your lucky day. Wouldn't it feel great to pay off those credit card bills all at once and not have to worry about them anymore?"
Do you get the feeling that maybe this isn't the first time Larry has had this conversation with these same two Toxic Voices. These Toxic Voices have no new or useful information to help Larry deal with his finances. They are just old familiar scripts, old repetitive tapes playing in his head. And Larry gets amnesia after each round. Unfortunately, his credit card companies have very long memories.
Unmasking my own Glossy Voice has helped me immensely. The Gloomy Voice is relatively easy to identify as Toxic because it is negative, shaming and critical -- it fits the classic image of the "bad parent." But the Glossy Voice is so positive -- such a nice, indulgent parent. My Glossy Voice would often masquerade as my Sacred Voice and be very spiritual and inspirational. It misused spiritual truths to appeal to my ego, fuel my grandiosity, and set me up to be the big hero who would save the day -- and thereby earn the love and approval I never had as a child.
Like many people who spent their childhood just trying to survive, my inner world had not matured enough to cope with the complexity and ambiguity of real life. Emotionally, I was still a child. I was either good or bad, all-powerful or totally powerless. Things were either black or white.
Letting go of my Glossy Voice was one of the hardest things I've ever done, because for so many years it seemed to be the only ally I had to fight off the hopelessness and negativity of the Gloomy Voice. (Reconnecting with my true Sacred Voice has made it much easier to recognize the Glossy Voice as one of Satan's fallen angels).
Here's a way to get up close and personal with your own Toxic Voices -- and even have some fun doing it. Personify your two main Toxic Voices by giving them a name that matches their personality (Critic, Judge, Witch, Monster, Devil, Pollyanna, White Knight, Savior, Earth Mother, Hero, Hot Shot, etc.)
Do your Toxic Voices keep you trapped in a Comfort Zone where you gain and lose the same pounds over and over? Or do they keep you going back and forth about what do about a relationship or a job that isn't that great? Or do they impersonate higher spiritual voices -- Gloomy makes you feel guilty that you've made such a mess of the life God gave you, while Glossy promises that all your suffering is for a purpose and you'll be rewarded someday somehow.
Write out some scripts that are relevant for you. Use humor, exaggerate, let your unconscious mind take over (because that's where these characters live).
Find out how these con artists push your buttons by triggering fear and guilt or appealing to greed and grandiosity. Start to unmask them. There are many more strategies that can help you master your Toxic Voices. You can read Finding Serenity in the Age of Anxiety, visit our website or call for a consultation.
Begin to search for voices that come from truth and love. You deserve to have better companions on your journey through life.
Find out more about Robert Gerzon’s highly acclaimed book Finding Serenity in the Age of Anxiety.
Find out more about Robert Gerzon’s Counseling and Coaching Services.
Read more articles by Robert Gerzon online at:
http://www.gerzon.com
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