Searching for Balance
by Robert Gerzon
We yearn for balance in our lives. We often feel that there is simply not enough time to do all the things we need to do each day. And usually we blame ourselves for not doing a better job at balancing the conflicting demands of work, family and friends.
During a recent radio interview, the woman who hosted the program said to me, "I have so many things going on each day, sometimes it drives me crazy! Isn’t it hard to find balance in our lives today?"
To her surprise, I replied, "No, it’s not hard...It’s impossible!"
For a moment she didn’t know whether to feel discouraged or relieved. Then she responded, "You know, I do think a lot of my stress and anxiety comes from thinking I should be able to balance it all. If it’s impossible then I don’t have to feel so bad about not being able to pull it off."
"Exactly," I replied. "As a husband, a father of five, and a self-employed writer, psychotherapist and speaker, it’s very easy for me to become discouraged when I compare my actual daily life to an ideal state of perfect balance. I find that the more I try to balance all these competing roles, the more they seem to pull me apart. One of my first steps toward finding serenity was to accept that almost every day would be unbalanced."
This spring, Nature again teaches us a valuable lesson about balance. The spring equinox marks a brief moment in the earth’s yearly journey around the sun when day and night are exactly equal. I find it reassuring that even after centuries of practice, Nature can only find perfect balance between light and dark two days out of the year!
Nature’s seasonal cycle further instructs us that imbalance is beautiful — imbalance makes life interesting. If the earth were perfectly centered on its axis we would have no delightful spring mornings, no summer beach days, no crisp autumn afternoons and no crystalline winter nights — just one perfectly balanced, bland, monotonous climate all year round.
It is thanks to Mother Earth’s imperfect, wobbly axis that she spins out everything from tranquil breezes to hurricanes, teaching those of us who ride upon its surface to appreciate the richly varied spectrum of the year, to savor the unique imbalance of each day.
Practically speaking, how can this lesson from Mother Earth help us deal with the often painful conflicts we experience living in today’s rushed society? Four suggestions come to mind:
First, and most important, we can begin to accept imbalance as a fact of life and let go of the guilt and self-blame. Why not simply and humbly accept that it’s impossible to balance it all? This frees us to enjoy each day’s unique and often surprising imbalances as much as possible.
Second, we can recognize how fragmented our lives have become and take steps toward greater wholeness. Wherever possible we can begin to knit together the separated pieces of our life. Instead of spending longer hours at the office to pay for commercial yard maintenance why not combine exercise, family time, and values education with accomplishing a necessary chore?
Third, we can accept daily and even weekly imbalance while aiming for a more realistic "rolling balance." Some days will be mostly work, some mostly household chores, some mostly family activities. But overall, like nature, we can achieve an imperfect, somewhat messy, yet workable rolling balance.
Fourth, we can make sure we really enjoy those fleeting moments of perfect balance. We can savor those equinoxes in our lives when we have the perfect day. What are your favorite "equinox days" like?
Mine are usually not spectacular days, but surprisingly simple and ordinary ones. I delight in those wonderful weekend days when the bonds between me, my family and the natural world can grow stronger, unbroken by the countless interruptions and separations of the workaday world. These blessed times are all the sweeter for their fleeting nature.
If we accept today’s unbalanced basket of gifts, remember past gifts, and trust that what is missing in today’s basket will appear in a future one, we can find greater serenity in this age of anxiety.
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