Strengthening Your Natural Voice
By Robert Gerzon
Identifying our Toxic Voices (what they say, how they sound, where they came from) is the first step in changing the world we live in. But the next step is a big challenge -- How do we stop listening to them?
As human beings we need an inner guide to dialogue with about our life. If we succeed in banishing our Toxic Voice we often find ourselves in what seems like an even worse situation -- we feel abandoned and all alone. And of course we prefer having somebody to nobody, especially when we're stressed, anxious or confused.
That's why it's very important to contact our Natural Voice and build a relationship with it. Our Natural Voice is a realistic, confident, intelligent and supportive voice that represents our clearest thinking about ourselves and the world around us. When we are thinking about an issue or problem our Natural Voice embodies the best objective, rational, scientific thinking combined with psychological self-knowledge, emotional awareness and effective communication.
In evaluating situations, "how you feel" is just as important as "what you think." Your Natural Voice lets you know that your feelings and your needs are important. Your Natural Voice will help you learn to tell the "emotional truth" to yourself.
The Natural Voice is also the voice of your body's healing wisdom. It helps you choose foods and other lifestyle habits that keep you healthy and at your ideal weight. (The Toxic Voices are the ones that tempt us to overindulge -- and then they make us feel guilty and tell us we should go on a diet!)
The degree of ease or difficulty we experience when we try to tune in to our Natural Voice depends largely on how motivated we are to be happy and successful, and how well our parents (and/or other primary caretakers) modeled a healthy Natural Voice for us when we were learning how to talk to ourselves.
The good news is that anyone who's motivated can stop listening to their Toxic Voice and build a strong and vital relationship with their Natural Voice if they are willing to practice Inner Talk awareness on a daily basis. Changing your Inner Talk rewires your brain by changing the neural pathways that affect thought and behavior. Remember to ask this fundamental question as often as possible throughout the day: "Who am I talking with?"
Your Natural Voice helps you discover what you really need and want in life and how to get it. Like life itself, your Natural Voice has two aspects -- an Opportunity Coach and an Adversity Coach. You can happily replace your Glossy and Gloomy Toxic Voices with an Opportunity Coach and an Adversity Coach. Just think of the possibilities!
Your Opportunity Coach is a positive, confident, creative voice that helps you to set goals you're passionate about, to envision the opportunities in any situation and to appreciate all the inner and outer resources you have.
Imagine the most creative, enthusiastic, life-affirming person. Someone who talks to you in a friendly, confident, and respectful way, and brings out the best in you. That's your personal Opportunity Coach.
The other aspect of the Natural Voice is the Adversity Coach. It is strong and courageous and can help you deal with difficult people and challenging situations. It is a troubleshooter who identifies potential problems. Your Adversity Coach helps you plan ahead by developing alternate strategies in case things don't work out the way you'd hoped. It offers corrections and suggestions in a positive, self-esteem-building manner, warns you of real dangers, and provides realistic information about your environment.
The Opportunity and Adversity Coaches cover the entire spectrum of possibilities that you will encounter in life. They are your original, realistic, helpful voices (that later became distorted by negative conditioning into the Glossy and Gloomy Toxic Voices).
Here are some actions steps you can take today to end your relationship with your Toxic Voice and get to know your Natural Voice better:
Write a "termination letter" to your Toxic Voice. That's right, you get to fire your Toxic Voice! It's been masquerading as your trusted adviser for years (maybe your whole life?). Time to make a change. Write the letter in a style that's the most fun for you: formal and matter-of-fact, angry, critical, or humorous. Tell your Toxic Voice (including both its Glossy and Gloomy aspects) why you're firing it, your feelings about how it's treated you, and the negative effects it has had on your life.
After firing your Toxic Voice, it's time to hire the best inner guide you can find: your Natural Voice. Write an ad for an Opportunity Coach to help you dream great dreams and believe in yourself and for an Adversity Coach who can help you plan realistically and guide you when the going gets tough. What personal qualities and abilities are you looking for? Write a job description for them. Describe their personalities. You can pay top dollar, so advertise for the best and the brightest.
Use any positive role models and mentors in your life to help you get a sense of what you want your Natural Voices to be like. Imagine hiring people you admire -- from Socrates or Abraham Lincoln to a successful athlete or entrepreneur. Make them come alive. Transform them into vivid characters.
If it appeals to you, create an inner board of directors or mentor group to advise you. Have regular meetings with them. Select different characters for emotional support, creativity, problem-solving, courage, or business advice. Like the Native Americans you can expand your guides to include "power animals" and other forces from the world of nature.
Of course there are obstacles to switching from the Toxic to the Natural Voice. Our Toxic Voice may sound familiar and "natural" to us, no matter how toxic its effect on our life. And our Natural Voice may sound "unnatural" or artificial to us at first, no matter how healthy and helpful it really is. Knowing this ahead of time can help you keep the conversation going with your Natural Voice until it starts to feel more familiar to you.
Switching from your Toxic to your Natural Voice is like changing channels on your radio dial. We tend to tune in to the strongest station. The less you listen to your Toxic Voice, the less energy you send it, and the weaker its signal becomes. The more you listen to your Natural Voice, the more energy you send it, and the stronger its signal grows. Make the switch today!
Even with all the wonderful things your Natural Voice does for you, there are some important things it doesn't do. It doesn't talk to you about the moral values and ethical principles that guide you in your life. It doesn't deal with issues of meaning and purpose. And it can't offer much comfort in truly tragic and catastrophic situations. That's why we need our Sacred Voice.
Find out more about Robert Gerzon’s highly acclaimed book Finding Serenity in the Age of Anxiety.
Find out more about Robert Gerzon’s Counseling and Coaching Services.
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