Louisa Unmasks her Toxic Voice
By Robert Gerzon
The root cause of most problems in life is that we listen to our Toxic Voices too much, and not enough to our Natural and Sacred Voices.
Why do we as individuals (and organizations and nations) listen to the Toxic Voice so much?
Very few people would choose to listen to a voice they knew was wrong, harmful, and evil. So the Toxic Voice cleverly disguises itself as a reliable, supportive and accurate voice.
When I ask clients why they think a Toxic Voice that they're listening to is actually a good voice, the most common reason they give is: "It's telling me the truth."
The Toxic Voice does "tell the truth" at times, but it does so in a toxic way. As the old saying goes, "The Devil can quote Scripture for his own ends." So the Toxic Voice twists the truth to serve its toxic designs.
A client, Louisa, wanted to apply for a higher level position at her company. During a session she told me the main inner voice she heard was one that said, "Louisa, you might fail."
This Inner Talk generated images in her mind of her failing to get the position and feeling bad that she had been rejected. She also realized that behind this obvious message was the implication that even if she got the desired position she would fail to do a good job and would be worse off than before.
Even after realizing all this, Louisa still was not sure that this was a Toxic Voice. She said, "But it's right, I might fail."
"That's a possibility," I replied, "but what makes this a Toxic Voice?"
She thought for a moment. "It makes me feel bad and stops me from going for what I want."
"That's right," I agreed. "In the winter, we may not be able to tell the difference between an apple tree and a pear tree. But in the spring when it produces its fruits we know right away. We can know the Toxic Voice by its fruits -- by the effect it has on us."
Next I asked Louisa to role-play how her healthy Natural Voice would advise her about applying for this position.
"Louisa," she said, getting into the role, "You've earned the right to apply for this position. You've mastered the job you're doing now and you're getting bored with it. It's time to move ahead.
"If you apply, there's no guarantee you'll get the job. But if you don't apply, there's a 100% guarantee that you won't get it. Realistically, you do have a very good chance. It's worth doing.
"Even if for some reason they choose someone else, you've still shown management that you are a positive person who is aiming for something higher and they'll respect you for that. And I'll be proud of you for going for what you want, no matter what happens."
Louisa was a different person after modeling her Natural Voice. Her previously downcast face was radiant and her body had arisen from a sad slump into a poised, confident posture.
"I'm amazed at how different I feel," she said. "So even if the Toxic Voice tells me something that sounds truthful, I need to look at how it's making me feel."
"Right," I observed, "Your Natural Voice was realistic about there being no guarantees, but it never once used the word failure."
"Hey," Louisa said with a sudden realization, "The Toxic Voice was actually not telling me the truth. It didn't tell the whole truth. It only talked about failure -- and over-dramatized not getting that job so it would seem like the end of the world. It didn't even mention the possibility of success. Wow, it really was Toxic!"
So remember, where there's toxic fruit, there's a toxic tree. There are many trees in the Garden. When you find yourself under a toxic one, get out from under it and look for the Tree of Life.
Find out more about Robert Gerzon’s highly acclaimed book Finding Serenity in the Age of Anxiety.
Find out more about Robert Gerzon’s Counseling and Coaching Services.
Read more articles by Robert Gerzon online at:
http://www.gerzon.com
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