The Real Golden Rule
By Robert Gerzon
Our relationships with other people probably cause more stress and anxiety than any other single factor in our life. Conflicts in the workplace, in the street, in the neighborhood, in the home, in our schools, government, churches and organizations aggravate, annoy and provoke anxiety in most of us fairly regularly. Rudeness, incivility, lawsuits and violence are increasingly common responses to the inevitable differences that arise in relationships.
The world's spiritual traditions find rare agreement in their answer to this universal problem. Christianity, Judaism, Islam and Buddhism all contain a version of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
Most of our present-day social problems result from the fact that society increasingly follows two secular and cynical revisions of the Golden Rule. The first revision declares, "He who has the gold rules." This rule reinforces the most negative aspects of our competitive economic system by asserting that financial might makes right. It is the modern version of the divine right of kings, the notion that whoever has the most material power deserves to get their way.
The second revision advises, "Do unto others before they do unto you." It implies that relationships are hostile by nature and the best defense is a good offense. This rule claims you have the right to take advantage of another person, because if you don't do it first, they'll do it to you.
These are primitive and unsatisfying rules for human conduct. Both are based on a "win/lose" domination model of relationships.
Two ancient proverbs, "As you sow, so shall you reap," and "He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword," wisely tell us that these power-based rules simply increase the general level of distrust and hostility in a society. They are versions of the Stone Age Law of the Jungle that dictated "kill or be killed," "an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth."
This archaic "Stone Rule" says, "Do unto others in any way that seems to serve your immediate best interest, even if it means clubbing them over the head with a stone ax." When this approach prevails in society, it reduces everyone to a state of constant anxiety.
In order to further our evolution, Jesus, Buddha and other spiritual teachers called humanity to observe a higher standard: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."
This bold command was, and still is, a revolutionary statement. It means that even when we have the power to impose our will on the world, we will still consider other people's needs; we will still ask God for guidance. Whereas the Stone Rule says "Do unto others as others," the Golden Rule tells us to "Do unto others as if they were you."
Yet even when we attempt to evolve beyond the Stone Rule and live by the Golden Rule, we can still stumble because of a widespread misunderstanding about its true meaning. The Golden Rule challenges us more deeply and is more transformative than most of us realize.
There are actually five interpretations of the Golden Rule, representing five stages of psychospiritual maturity. These five versions read as follows.
Stone Rule: Do unto others as others.
Iron Rule: Do unto others as self.
Brass Rule: Do unto others for self.
Silver Rule: Do unto others for God.
Golden Rule: Do unto others as God.
We've already examined the Stone Rule, but what do the other four rules mean?
The Iron Rule is a much too literal interpretation of the Golden Rule. For example, if we buy someone a present and we think to ourself, "I'll get them something that I would like to get," we're using the Iron Rule. We're projecting our self upon others, and treating others as self.
We often assume that other people are pretty much like us -- or should be if they're not. So even if we know they don't really like practical gifts we may still get them one, because "we know what's best for them." The Iron Rule leads to conflict, misunderstanding and lack of appreciation because its based on a primitive view of life that projects our own ego onto everything.
The Brass Rule represents a more sophisticated understanding of human beings. Here we "Do unto others for self." At this stage of development we know that people are different and we accept that fact. We know we like to get gifts that we like and other people like to get gifts that they like. We treat the other person with respect as a separate individual, because we hope that then they will treat us with respect the next time around.
So, we "Do unto the other person as they would like to be done unto." This "you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-yours" Brass Rule is a healthy secular version of the Golden Rule and is the basis for our best legal, political and business practices. It represents enlightened self-interest. If we want to be treated fairly, we agree to treat others fairly. But the Brass Rule breaks down when we're dealing with difficult or selfish people who don't treat us fairly in return. Then we often revert to the lower rules, and it's back to "whoever has the most power wins."
The Silver Rule, "Do unto others for God," represents a quantum leap beyond the self-serving Iron and Brass Rules. Here we are motivated by higher moral, ethical and spiritual considerations. We "Do unto others as they would be done unto" because it is the right thing to do.
Even if no one is watching, even if the other person has done something bad to us, even if they will not treat us right in return, we still choose to do the right thing. Our behavior is no longer contingent on a material reward. This spiritual level of development is reflected in the advice to "forgive those who trespass against you," and to "love your enemy."
This is a high standard and one that sometimes requires that we sacrifice our needs in order to do the right thing for God. We recognize that God loves other people, that God "makes the sun shine on the just and the unjust." We treat others right because God wants us to and because it furthers our own spiritual and moral development. Trying to live up to the Silver Rule is a challenge for most of us because it involves a struggle between our lower self (who wants its own way) and our higher self (who wants to follow God's way).
The true Golden Rule brings us into a realm far different than any of the other rules. Strangely, while most of the other rules require some self-sacrifice on our part, the Golden Rule requires no further sacrifice at all, because we have already given our entire self to God. We "Do unto others as God." At this point in our development we see ourselves and others as manifestations of the divine. This the realm of enlightenment and saints where the lines separating self from others and self from God dissolve.
The spiritual power of Mother Teresa was evident to all who came in contact with her. It came from her ability to see God's beauty and holiness in even the poorest and sickest. In her eyes everyone looked like God. When she helped the sick, the dissolute and the dying, she did not do it as an individual self doing it for God to others. She did it directly to God, with God, as God. She experienced God's love flowing through her.
Most of us have experienced this, however briefly, during times of crisis or transcendent moments with our lover, with a friend, with our child. At these times the dividing walls of self dissolve and all that remains is the flow of pure love. We give selflessly, yet feel that in giving we have received more than we gave. At those times we feel a "golden glow" and we know that our true nature is Love.
Practicing the real Golden Rule is a sign that we have evolved and become fully human. It helps remind us that our true nature is Love. Serenity comes from seeing clearly, through God's eyes, that we are all manifestations of the Great Oneness Dimension (GOD).
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